if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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