she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
