So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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