Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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