They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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