One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
