I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
