My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
