We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
