his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My vagina is officially offended.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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