Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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