Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
