we're blogging at a bar
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
