now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
