We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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