I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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