I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
