And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
