He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
