why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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