Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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