My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
