her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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