Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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