did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
