It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
don't judge my taste in strippers
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
