dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
