we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize