Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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