It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
