Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
