walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
