We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
