just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
