the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize