super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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