The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
