She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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