she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
