did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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