The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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