It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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