Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
