I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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