Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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