Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize