everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
