I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
