Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
