I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
