Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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