On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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