He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
