when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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