i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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