What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
