I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
