Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
