Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
