I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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