3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
