Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
