the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
