she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The best revenge is premature balding
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Come on in and take your pants off
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