So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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