Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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