I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
