Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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