i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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